Goddess of Public Speaking

Pause Power: Slow down and speak with spacious ease

@dmin_goddess — Sun, 13 May 2012 20:00:41 +0000

Speakers who speak too quickly are often described as “overwhelming” and like “chipmunks on speed.” People learn, listen and process at different rates, so if you speak TOO fast, your listeners may switch off because they cannot no longer make sense of your ideas. The chipmunk has “bolted at the gate” as it were.

So if you are a naturally fast speaker, how do you remain true to yourself and communicate effectively with slower paced listeners?” I’ll start by sharing a story of when I was running a speaking workshop for some Brisbane Librarians:

Find Your Own Pace
Sitting within an intimate circle, I demonstrated how to speak impromptu by pausing and waiting until words arose. I had not had my morning coffee and was feeling slow and sleepy. So, honouring how I was feeling, I spoke, slow and sleepy. And so did the next 8 people after me. I was thinking, “Wow! What a relaxed, deeply feeling group!” Then we got to Librarian Number 9 and she burst out:” O my god I just can’t do it! I can’t be slow. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry! It’s just me! I have to break out and speak fast!”

As the facilitator, I hadn’t realised that the group was copying my style and assumed I was demonstrating the “right way” to do impromptu speaking. Thank you Librarian No 9 for reminding us to be ourselves. After that, participants found their natural speaking groove and I had my coffee!

How To Slow Down
Most of us do speak too fast. A slower pace, using gravitas, is restful and impactful. Listeners have time to absorb your words and if you are speaking to them, you want to create a maximum listening environment for your message to be heard.

You do not need to change your essential self and be something you are not. You just need to pause frequently. Imagine where the commas, colons, dashes, fullstops and new paragraphs would be begin if your talk was in writing. That’s where you pause. Give people time to digest. A pause is like a non-verbal full stop. So take a risk and stop. It is only a matter of seconds or a couple of breaths.

And when you take those breaths, make eye contact with your listeners and use your whole body to connect with one person at a time. Actively using your body will also release your energy out through your limbs, rather than just your mouth!

A good way to practise finding the most effective pace for you, is to read out loud. And exaggerate the pausing opportunities like commas, fullstops and the main points in a sentence or idea.

What You Can Do
Use these “punctuation opportunities” as a guideline to slowing down with spacious ease:

To indicate a “comma” when you speak, stop and take a mini pause.
To indicate a “full stop” when you speak, stop and take a short pause of at least one full breath.
To indicate a “new topic or new paragraph” as it were, stop and take a big pause of at least three breaths.
Watch the British movie “The Kings Speech” which clearly demonstrates the impact and benefit of slowing your speech down. I’m not suggesting you speak as slowly as the King; I’m suggesting your natural pace will be enhanced with the mindful addition of pauses.

If you are a naturally fast speaker, then be mindful of your pace, ensuing your words are not tumbling insensibly from your lips. Remember to pause graciously at regular intervals to check your listeners are still with you and not overwhelmed. A chipmunk on speed is only cute for a short time.

© 2012, Geraldine Barkworth, authentic public speaking coach for women. Geraldine shows you how to feel comfortable in your own skin by being real, raw and authentic, rather than perfect, polished and “powerpointed” every time you speak.

Contact Geraldine at http://www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au/

May Talk Tip

@dmin_goddess — Tue, 01 May 2012 06:00:16 +0000

You can learn public speaking FEAR from others... and you can unlearn it as well. The solution? Hang out with confident public speakers or people who are actively embracing their fear like at a public speaking course. Surviving the fear shows you that you can handle it and experiential proof is how your confidence rebuilds. Continue reading →

Sitting Versus Standing: How To Position Yourself When You Speak

@dmin_goddess — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 20:00:06 +0000

Should I sit or should I stand when I present to a group? Believe it or not I get asked this question regularly. For those of you who are thinking, “Pish! What a question!”, there is a lot more going on here. The decision to sit or stand sends a non-verbal signal about your intention to establish authority, power, attention, intimacy, connection and relationship (or not).

A big demand or request of your group needs a big presence from a Speaker “willing to take a stand.” So, STAND UP!

An informal group, especially a small one where people can’t hide in the crowd because there isn’t one, needs a Speaker who can build a trusting relationship, suggesting “I’ve been in your shoes , we’re in this together and I know the way out.” So, join the circle and SIT DOWN!

3 Scenarios Doomed To Fail

Imagine yourself announcing this as the Speaker as you sit cross legged on the floor: “I want you to save the gay whales now!”, while your audience sits above you on chairs.

Imagine yourself trying to build rapport as the Speaker standing and waving your fist in the air: ” Scream this out now, “no, no, no”, to a small group of 7, seated unconfident women who’ve never met each other before.

Imagine this and it really happened to me about 25 years ago: I went to a poetry reading (I know, I know) and an indulgent young man read his banal drivel about unrequited lust while lying on the floor with legs up the wall.

None of these scenarios will work as intended. Your choice to sit, stand or lie down needs to be congruent with your message to make a powerful impact and inspire the right kind of action.

Sit To Present When:

You are speaking to a small, informal group.
You purposely need to focus on building trust and rapport first.
You want to draw people in, like story telling, sharing a “secret” or personal revelation.

Stand To Present When:

You intend world domination! Well ok, let’s call it leadership and authority.
You wish to direct all energy and attention on you and your message (“all eyes front and centre”).
You want to fill the space, creating dynamic movement with your whole body.

What You Can Do

To fit a formal situation or to formalise an informal one (like a rowdy group) – STAND UP.
To fit an informal situation or build intimacy – SIT DOWN.
You can always switch from sitting to standing during a presentation. It adds variety, energy and emphasis.
Trust your gut. Sometimes it feels right to stand and sometimes, to sit. Just don’t lie down on the job.

Above all, don’t follow “expert advice”, including from me. Do what feels right for you in that moment. Sitting or standing – pish – it’s a bigger question than it seems!

Contact Geraldine at http://www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au/

April Talk Tip

@dmin_goddess — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 20:00:58 +0000

Take a breath, pause and slow down when you speak. There is no race to be won. A pause is like a non verbal full-stop or comma. When you pause, it gives your listeners a chance to entrain with you, to match your pace and process your ideas. Offer quality, not quantity. Continue reading →

Look At Me, Look At Me, Look At Me! How To Easily Maintain Your Audience’s Attention

@dmin_goddess — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 20:00:49 +0000

Have you ever battled to maintain people’s attention when you were speaking? Trying hard at anything is tiring. And people, well we can just be perverse. If an audience knows you desperately want their attention, they will likely choose to not give you any.

So don’t try so hard. Who ever said speaking with people had to be hard work? I’m not suggesting you don’t put in any effort – just stop trying to force people to listen to you. Instead, give them a choice and something worth listening to – you.

“Trying” is like a “should” or an “attempt”. It requires pushing and forcing, is energy draining and often hides a “but”. I’ve noticed that my clients who say they “try” a lot, are ‘stuck”. They are often attached emotionally to a belief about how things “should be”. So they keep trying. And trying.

“Effort” is like a “choice”. It gives you energy, options and a sense of empowerment. Choosing where and how to place your energy restores a sense of control. Focus on the outcome and the needs of your audience, rather than being driven by your own old fears.

Here’s a list of Do’s and Don’ts to help you maintain people’s attention when you speak:

Don’ts

Don’t assume – research your audience and ask them conversationally if you are on track.
Don’t forget to introduce yourself – people like to know who you are and what you offer.
Don’t talk too fast and fill every space – people need time to process your ideas.
Don’t give too much information – it can be overwhelming and cluttered.
Don’t regurgitate and use cliches – it’s insulting and boring.

Do’s

Do pause and take a breath with your audience before you start. This gives people time to give you their attention, rather than you forcing it upon them.
Do establish credibility and expertise – either through an introduction or subject knowledge.
Do be fully present and focussed, not thinking about dinner afterwards or lost in self criticism.
Do be original – get comfortable in your own skin and know what’s different about you.
Do make things simple. Use simple language, gestures and paint pictures with words.
Do focus on 1 main message and repeat it, spelling out the impact, benefits and actions required.

What You Can Do To Maintain People’s Attention

Let go of “trying” and just “be”.
Establish trust and rapport first and invite attention without force.
Interact constantly with your audience, just like a one on one conversation.
Tailor your message to every audience so they understand “what’s in it for me”.
Offer valuable, original and customised information and deliver it with natural authenticity.

Trust me, if you do these 5 things, you will powerfully maintain people’s attention every time you speak.

Contact Geraldine at http://www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au/

March Talk Tip

@dmin_goddess — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 20:00:38 +0000

Keep a stable, open leg stance if you are standing, or sit up straight if you are seated. If a strong wind arises, you won't blow over and if there is critical interjection from the group you won't crumble. A strong stance says without words, "I am capable of delivering and handling what ever comes my way." This will make you and your audience feel more confident in your words. Continue reading →

Rabbit In The Headlights: How to stop freezing when you speak

@dmin_goddess — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 20:00:50 +0000

So many clients ask me what to do when they “freeze and go blank” when speaking or introducing themselves to a group. These are symptoms of performance anxiety. It mostly occurs in more “formal situations” where we believe there is a high likelihood of judgement – “I might fail” or “I might be be disliked or rejected”.

For some people, a “formal” situation like an interview or a meeting, induces a near state of panic with emotions and negative thoughts tumbling out of control, overriding rational sense. Have you ever tried to comfort a “nervous public speaker” by telling them to “just relax and be themselves”? It’s just not going to cut it. They cannot hear you when gripped by mental, emotional and physical paralysis and are likely to keep on doing the same thing, over and over and not moving forward. Just like a rabbit in the headlights.

It Feels Worse Than It Looks
Freezing when public speaking generally feels much worse to the speaker, than it looks to the listener. A 30 second blank, can look like a pause. Taking time to gather your thoughts is appreciated by listeners because it means you are thinking about what you say in the present moment, not repeating mechanised rote. When I film clients for the first time giving a talk, they are amazed that their occasional blank moments come across as natural pauses. What is important is how they deal with it then and there. Running away or giving up just makes it worse the next time.

Train Your Inner Bunny To Survive
Here’s a great story I heard once to explain how to break the freeze and blank pattern:

“To ensure your survival in a burning building like a hotel – when you check in, take the time to read the evacuation procedures and map. Then physically open your door and walk down the hall, counting the number of doors between you and the exit. Ideally, go through the fire door, down the stairs (stay below floor 6!) and out the building. Should an evacuation be necessary, you are much more likely to find the exit because your mind/body remembers everything and you’ve already practised. When you panic, you freeze and stop thinking rationally. So many people die because they freeze and don’t know how to respond to the situation. Instead, just let your body remember to take over and help you.”

How To Stay Connected To Your Flow

Prepare head and practise. I don’t mean in your mind. I mean with your whole body. Stand up and walk over. Read the thing or say it outlaid. Practise pausing and making eye contact. Wait for responses. Imagine question and answer. Then, practise finishing. Consistently we underestimate or overestimate our capacity depending on our level of self esteem on the day. Practising gives you a reality check and confidence in your ability to handle the situation.

Don’t whine, beg for rescue or run screaming from the room. Own it. Take a breath, feel your feet, wait for the tears to stop, say “Gee I’ve gone blank – bear with me…” and start from where you left off. Admitting your vulnerability is a bridge builder. People admire seeing triumph over adversity. It’s inspiring, energising and opens conversations and hearts.

Plan to use less words and express your message with your whole body. This is also a great technique if you feel blank around potential cuties. Simply: face your listeners with your whole body, face and make sustained eye contact – this indicates your interest in being with them. Use your hands and facial expressions. Use props to help you remember your points or to make your point for you. For instance, if you are talking about a book, bring that book with you, show a slide or refer to a handout. It is so much easier to talk about a THING if you have that THING in your hands.

I once warbled my way through a 10 minute speech by singing 6 or 7 different 1930′s show tunes with a few words in between. Once I realised how well that worked, the tyranny of writing and remembering a clever speech went out the door. You really can do ANYTHING to get your message across once you take the pressure off yourself believing there is only one right way to speak. The key is to find the way that’s right for you. And then you will have found your very own source of flow.

© 2012, Geraldine Barkworth, authentic public speaking coach for women. Geraldine shows clients how to connect with any audience by being real, raw and authentic, rather than perfect, polished and “powerpointed.”

Contact Geraldine at http://www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au/

February Talk Tip

@dmin_goddess — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 06:00:18 +0000

Maintain gentle eye contact with one person at a time. Focus on people who are receptively listening to you. Stay with one person long enough to watch your words land on their face, for you to see the connection occur between you. Allowing yourself to stay still with one person at a time says without words, "I see you, I hear you, I am with you". Continue reading →

January Talk Tip

@dmin_goddess — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 06:00:19 +0000

To be credible and real when you speak, let your body talk for you. Actions do "speak louder than words". We watch movement before we process word meaning. Make sure the messages your body sends to your audience are congruent with your verbal message. Continue reading →

End With A Bang, Not A Whimper

@dmin_goddess — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 06:00:56 +0000

About 90% of my clients struggle with ending their presentation on a powerful, memorable high note. For some reason, it seems the opening and the guts get all the attention, while the ending is an apologetic tack on – ‘oh yeah – sorry – this is the bit where I ask YOU for something…”

Modern western society often seems to struggle with both letting go (death) and asking for what they want (assertion).

Whoever is speaking at any given time, is the Leader of the Moment. And that includes one to one conversations as well as formal presentations to a group. Listeners take their cue from the Speaker… otherwise how do they know when it’s their turn to speak, when to ask a question or if its time to move on?

Even more significantly, how can listeners / clients trust what you are saying or follow your advice, if you don’t appear to trust yourself? Your non verbal signals speak more powerfully than you.

Forgetful Whimpers

“Trailing off” affects both the speaker and the listener, not to mention your career. In particular:

Your listeners look to you for cues as to what to do next. If you don’t lead, someone else will take over.
Your message or conversation gets dissipated, lost in the melee of fading umms, ahhs and sad darting eyes. It is your ending, not your message that will be remembered unfortunately.
Your self confidence suffers when you finish on a hesitant quaver, reverberating through your voice to your inner core beliefs about your ability to get what you want and to be heard.

Memorable Bangs

Before you structure your talk, decide on the purpose and outcome you want for you and your listeners. HINT: Being clear about the outcome and your purpose is VITAL to end well.
State your intended outcome at the beginning of your presentation. The rest will then flow in a smooth, logical manner toward that outcome and your listeners will join the dots and know what to expect. In other words, Listeners will see the point if you spell the point out.
If you feel yourself meandering, just stop right there. Take a breath and look around. Take your cues from your listeners. Ask them if you are unsure: “Is that clear? Do I need to add anything else?” In other words, have a conversation with them.

Quite often, when people struggle with an ending, they have delivered a monologue, based on the assumption that they are solely responsible for delivering everything perfectly and they will be judged accordingly. It’s a heavy burden… no wonder many of us start to falter at the end of a presentation / conversation.

Completion for 2011

Ending anything is about letting go. Easier said than done I know. Learn to “let go” of your words and trust they will be received with the good intent with which you send them. This is a good point on which to finish the last blog for 2011. The theme for 2012 is “Shut Up and Let Your Body Talk: How To Use Your Physiology To Speak”.

© 2011, Geraldine Barkworth. Geraldine Barkworth is a holistic public speaking coach for women in business. She shows clients how to connect with any audience by being real, raw and authentic, rather than perfect, polished and “powerpointed.”

Contact Geraldine at http://www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au/