December Talk Tip

Posted on December 5, 2011 by @dmin_goddess

Take your time to establish trust and rapport whenever you speak. I understand the driving urge to race upstream toward the finish line, but I advise you to take the scenic route instead. Speaking in public is about giving and receiving on both sides. Make it feel like a conversation, not a 60 second download.

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November Talk Tip

Posted on November 28, 2011 by @dmin_goddess

Speaking to the Board or Team Meetings offer you an opportunity to develop intestinal fortitude and emotional intelligence. And neither appears on the Meeting Agenda. There’s a lot you can learn beneath the surface – about yourself and others – communicating under pressure brings out the best and worst in people.

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Letting Go Of Self-Consciousness

Posted on November 22, 2011 by @dmin_goddess

So many times I get asked about a cure for self-consciousness. Self-consciousness is the acute feeling of separation from everyone else. The strong feelings it generates  include loneliness, of being “different”, not being “good enough” or being rejected.  Or, feeling like you’re “under a microscope.”

When you speak to a group, you visibly and energetically set yourself apart from your herd. Speaking up does require a kind of courage. The courage to show yourself to others. And why do bigger groups seem scarier than smaller ones? Well there’s just so many more wild cards you potentially  have to control and convince and rejection could occur on a really, really big scale…

There is however, a straightforward antidote to self consciousness in front of groups. A few quick tips will not suffice; I’m going to give you one big piece of advice:

Change your belief that you are not separate but connected to your group by the very thick cord of humanity which binds us all. It is your vulnerability that reaches out heart to heart to deepen your connection to the group. When you hide it, you hide yourself and your group just  gets meaningless drone, pie charts and technical facts. They can get that reading a report.

When a group shows up to hear you, they want to hear, YOU. When you fail to show up yourself, you are choosing to separate yourself from your group. And entering stage left,  creep in feelings of being different or not being good enough.

Before you speak to a group, rather than reduce yourself to the size of a protoplasm under a microscope, see yourself as expansive and strong, perhaps like a giant tree or mountain. Try sticking them under a microscope!

Be that tree! Be that mountain! Take yourself out from under the microscope and don’t let yourself be diminished by your fear. Couldn’t this be something to relax and expand into, rather than shrink and pull away from?

And when your time comes to step forward and lead your group, breathe into your core and connect with yourself, feel your feet on the ground, let yourself expand and open up to receive the positive attention flowing your way, if you let it in. Use your whole body to express your message – be large. And be with one person at a time.  Don’t try and “work” the whole group, just enjoy a series of one to one conversations, one human being to another.

Want to have a go at losing self-consciousness? Goddess Of Public Speaking now offers a step-by-step Do It Yourself e-Workbook for nervous public speakers wanting to free their Inner Public Speaker by themselves. How often have you wanted to heal this old fear of speaking in public, or just learn how to do it with authentic, natural ease – but never seemed to find the time, the groups were inconvenient or too confronting, or you just couldn’t afford it?

The Confidence & Connection E-Workbook is the answer for you, offering self paced, step by step, low cost learning. View the Sample Pages and listen to the MP3 sample.

© 2011, Geraldine Barkworth. Geraldine Barkworth is a holistic public speaking coach for women in business. She shows clients how to connect with any audience by being real, raw and authentic, rather than perfect, polished and “powerpointed.”

Contact Geraldine at www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au/

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Take Control As MC

Posted on November 1, 2011 by @dmin_goddess

Time to bring out your inner control freak. Forget all that mush about egalitarian sharing. The fact is, as MC you must take control of your Event or anarchy will prevail. Anarchy includes people talking too long, ignoring the agreements and cues to finish, interjecting, power plays, energy dissipation… the list goes on. To ensure that every one gets a chance to speak but not at the expense of others, take control to protect everyone’s right to be heard and to keep the show on the road. Here are tips for MC’s to work effectively with both sides of the fence, Guest Speakers and The Audience.

Guest Speakers
Make personal contact with Guest Speakers beforehand and advise your requirements for the Event. This defines a clear boundary of expectation on either side. Be sure to include: length of allocated speaking time, clarify purpose of speaking topic and intended outcome, whether it’s interactive, time or not for questions, expected start and finish time for speaking. Provide Guest Speakers with the Program so they can see their own place within it and understand how to fit the context. After all it’s your Event, not theirs.

When the Guest Speakers arrive, connect with them personally – as the MC your job is to help them feel at ease. While chatting, reinforce the length of time they have to speak. Ensure they understand the Program is packed and keeping to time is important – check their understanding by looking into their eyes. Discuss the signals you will send to let them know when they are Close To Time, or Time to Wrap Up or Time To Finish. This reinforces there are consequences to poor time management and that as MC, you willing to take immediate action to keep the show on the road for everyone’s benefit.

When the Guest Speaker is presenting, make sure you follow the agreed signals. Sometimes Guest Speakers get on a roll and can’t stop, or become addicted to the adrenaline rush of all that attention, so as the MC, it’s is your job to shepherd them graciously off the stage so that others will have their turn.

Thank and acknowledge the Guest Speaker privately as well as publicly. This also sets up a good management relationship for next time.

The Audience
When the “floor is opened to questions”, things can get very exciting if you are dealing with contentious issues. Your diplomatic lion tamer skills are needed. (You may find it useful to watch Jenny Brochie the facilitator from the SBS television program, Insight, for great role modeling.) Of course if the subject fails to raise a ripple of interest, you may want to have some staged questions or prepare some of your own if the Audience is quiet.

Prompt Audience interaction by clearly displaying a time set aside for questions or discussion in the Program.

Next when you address the Audience, repeat this information, speak slowly, watching your words sink in as you articulate the parameters. For instance, “We have 10 minutes for questions so that’s probably about 3 questions…”, or “Each person has  5 minutes to share their view. Any longer and I’ll have to gong you off (sound the gong to show consequences) to ensure everyone gets a chance” (stating context and appealing to universal fairness.)

After you’ve described the parameters and if you anticipate heated discussion, ask for everyone’s agreement up front and wait. Say nothing until you see a sea of agreements. This method uses group dynamics to enforce the parameters, rather than you.

And of course, you must stick to the parameters. No matter how scintillating the Question from the Audience, the same rules must be applied. If they stir strong interest within the group, suggest they meet later after the program is finished. This keeps the Event on track, provides options to continue the discussion and means Audience members build trust in your ability to handle the situation. It may also give individuals the confidence to speak out, knowing they too will get a fair go.

When you clearly and graciously take control as the MC and Event Coordinator by setting parameters in advance and reinforcing consistently throughout the Event, both Guest Speakers and Audience will relax and enjoy themselves under your firm guidance.

© 2011, Geraldine Barkworth. Geraldine Barkworth is a holistic public speaking coach for women in business. She shows clients how to connect with any audience by being real, raw and authentic, rather than perfect, polished and “powerpointed.”

Contact Geraldine at http://www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au/

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October Talk Tip

Posted on October 21, 2011 by @dmin_goddess

For an instant confidence boost before you speak, gently roll your shoulders back. This will straighten your spine, open your abdomen, chest, shoulders, throat and face. People interpret this open posture as confident, capable and approachable and will listen to you, figuring if you believe in you, there’s a good chance they will too.

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Shut Up & Let Your Body Talk

Posted on October 11, 2011 by @dmin_goddess

Blah, blah, blah… talk, hype, buzz, “like”, “totally”, “awesome”, “it’s all good”. It’s hard to hear anything of value when people speak to one another these days. Mouths are endlessly moving but  meaning is lost in the blah blah.

I know I hunger for something true, something juicy, something meaningful. And more words, even if they are clever words, aren’t the answer.

What I want, and what an audience wants,  is credibility and realness. Followed by a hefty dollop of “what’s in it for me” content. Is this something you want too? Hell, we’ve only got one life, let’s make the most of it.

Credibility & Realness In 5 Simple Steps

The key is to let your body talk for you. Actions do “speak louder than words”. We watch movement before we process word meaning. Make sure the messages your body sends to your audience are congruent with your verbal message.

Here’s how to create credibility and realness when you present:

1. Gently roll your shoulders back before you speak 1:1 or 1 to a group. This will open your abdomen, chest, shoulders , throat and face. People interpret this open posture as self confident, capable and receptive. They are more likely to listen to you, figuring if you believe in you, there’s good chance they will too.

2. Maintain gentle, neutral eye contact one person at a time. Focus on people who’s bodies are receptively listening to you. Stay with one person long enough to watch your words land on their face, for you to see the connection occur between you. Allowing yourself to stay still with one person at a time says without words, “I see you, I hear you, I am with you”. An audience / group feels respected when it knows the speaker is listening as well as speaking to them.

3. Keep a  stable, open leg stance if you are standing, or sit up straight if you are seated. If a strong wind arises, you won’t blow over and if there is critical interjection from the group you won’t crumble. A strong stance says without words, “I am capable of delivering and handling what ever comes my way.” This generates confidence, groundedness and a sense of permanence.

4. Take a breath, pause and slow down when you speak. There is no race to be won. People take speakers more seriously when they perceive the message is conveyed with gravitas. A pause is like a non verbal full-stop or comma. When you pause, it gives your listeners a chance to entrain with you, to match your pace and process your ideas. Offer choice, not imposition. By attending respectfully to the diversity of your group you convey, “I have something of importance to say, and I invite you to listen.”

5. Let natural hand, face and body gestures flow and underscore your words. If you describe something as “amazing”, express your amazement with your whole body. Eyes wide, mouth agape, fingers spread, shoulders lifted, a step back or  a breath in. The word “amaze” is just a word, one word lost in a long presentation of sentences, paragraphs and points. When you show “amaze” with your whole body, people feel it and it travels deep inside to connect emotionally, beyond their ears.

When an audience, group or your 1:1 friend connect emotionally with what you are saying and your words and your body match in meaning, you will have credibility and realness whenever you speak. And that’s precious in today’s “like totally awesome it’s all good” blah blah world.

On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate your credibility and realness when you speak? Do your words have impact and are people inspired to  follow through?

You can learn how to present your information with great credibility and realness when you speak (crazy that we have to “learn” how to be real isn’t it?) at our 4 Day Transformational Retreat for Women, 27-30 October, 2011.

© 2011, Geraldine Barkworth. Geraldine Barkworth is a holistic public speaking coach for women in business. She shows clients how to connect with any audience by being real, raw and authentic, rather than perfect, polished and “powerpointed.”

Contact Geraldine at http://www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au/

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How To Be Relaxed For Public Speaking

Posted on October 4, 2011 by @dmin_goddess

When we feel emotionally tense, our bodies follow suit and tense up. Tension, particularly relating to stage fright, manifests itself in the chest, shoulders, throat, jaw, head and stomach for many people. This results in a kind of “holding oneself in” paralysis. A bit like a rabbit in the headlights – there you are speaking in front of a group and you whisper to yourself – “If I don’t move and look like a chair – they’ll forget I’m here”. Doesn’t work unfortunately. And you aren’t a rabbit.

Tension can also result in a “blank mind” and a disconnect from yourself and your audience. And “head spins” can come from a lack of oxygen (breathing too quickly from your upper chest and not being grounded, so slow it down and feel your feet on floor). It’s interesting that issues relating to the “head” figure so highly when it comes to fearing public speaking. The remedy I recommend is to:

“Get out of your head and into your body”. I love this phrase; you’ve probably noticed I use it a lot. It really is a simple counterpoint to speaking nerves and tension. Try all these techniques before, during and after you speak:

Some Weeks Before Your Presentation:
Practice using the Calm Barometer and the Inner Calm Exercise daily to build a new calm habit – follow the links below to these exercises. (These are not quick fixes but a long term solution to retraining your body’s reaction to tension.)

Some Days Before Your Presentation:
Visualise yourself speaking with ease in front of your audience. Consciously choose to relax your traditional tension spots. See yourself taking your time and using the physical exercises written directly below…

The Day Before Your Presentation:
Raise your shoulders to your ears, hold, and release, letting your shoulders gently drop. Repeat twice more. Then, hug yourself tightly, just like you are holding yourself in with tension, and release, throwing your arms generously open, kind of like you are ‘hugging the world” – (I know, I know, it sounds dicky in print, it’s better at my workshops.) These exercises open your chest, face, airways, shoulders and tummy, releasing tension and awakening intention. Go for a walk and stop thinking about your presentation. Daydream. Physical exercise helps you regain perspective and breaks obsessive thoughts. Really, life goes on. Will you remember this presentation in 5 years time? And, will anyone else?

Directly Before Your Presentation:
Take a deep, even breath from the base of your stomach and release evenly. Feel your feet on the floor. Gently roll your shoulders back. This opens your chest, drops your shoulders, opens your throat and magically gives you a confident posture. Imagine the top of your head is suspended by a silken cord and the rest of your body follows effortlessly. (Thank you Alexander technique.) Use your Calm Anchor if you have one and embody your personal strengths.

Directly After Your Presentation:
Rather than go straight back into your head and do a vicious deconstruction of every mistake you made during your presentation – just don’t go there right now. Your adrenaline is pumping and what you need to do is reground yourself so that you continue to be fully present with others – answer questions, accept invitations, make decisions, network and so on. Consciously let your breath flow evenly and let your body take care of dissipating your stress hormones.

The Day After Your Presentation:
Make sure you have been for a walk or engaged in some kind of relaxation activity to switch your brain off and reboot your system. When you have surfaced, it’s time to evaluate you and your presentation constructively:

  • How effectively did you handle nervous tension this time?
  • When did your listeners appear more engaged with you?
  • When were you more engaged with your listeners?
  • How might you do the same presentation again, based on what you now know?

The big benefit to handling speaking tension before, during and after you speak, not only includes a reduction in stress headaches, sore shoulders and head spins, it also helps you focus on your message with calm clarity, allowing you to captivate your group with authenticity and presence every time you speak.

Like to reduce your own speaking tension? Learn how at the 4 Day Transformational Speaking Retreat for Women, 27-30 October, 2011, Byron Bay. Email the facilitator, Geraldine Barkworth to check availability.

© 2011, Geraldine Barkworth. Geraldine Barkworth is a holistic public speaking coach for women in business. She shows clients how to connect with any audience by being real, raw and authentic, rather than perfect, polished and “powerpointed.”
Contact Geraldine at http://www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au/

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Speak & Listen With Presence

Posted on September 27, 2011 by @dmin_goddess

There is no quicker way to lose your audience than “going through the motions” rather than being fully present with them.

“Going through the motions” means your body is present, but your mind and spirit have left the building.  Sometimes the audience is quicker to recognise memorised, disingenuous rote, than the speaker / trainer themselves.  This is sad.  Going through the motions leads to boredom, the dulling of creativity and a loss of credibility.

Presence is the opposite to “going through the motions.”  Body, mind and spirit are working harmoniously, fully connected in the present moment.  An audience “switches on” when they realise the speaker / trainer is authentic and available to them right here and right now.  It charges the atmosphere and inspires trust, rapport and connection and generates credibility, energy and impact.  This is exciting.  Being present produces new paradigms, spontenaity, flexibility and empowered results.

Begin With Presence
Start with presence, by preparing yourself in advance. The state of presence is a habit like any other and until it becomes second nature when you speak in public, you need to prepare the space you will step into, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Recognising the importance of your presentation to you and others, provides motivation and clarity for making time to prepare. Insufficient preparation is the most common public speaking mistake. When you don’t like public speaking, there is a tendency to over prepare (obsess) or under prepare (avoid). Like Little Red Riding Hood, talk preparation needs to be “just right” for you. By designing your own preparation habit or ritual, you send yourself the message, “This talk is important, worth my time and I am going to be present for it.”

What is your usual pattern of behaviour before a talk? Does it serve you or dishonour you?

Stay With Presence
Stay present, by accepting that you will move in and out of the present moment with your group or audience.  That’s life. The key is to not beat yourself up when you feel a disconnect and thus get preoccupied with your own story.  Instead, stop, take a breath, connect with one person and give yourself permission to start again with them.  Staying present is a series of small comings and goings riding on the ebb and flow of mindful awareness.

Finish With Presence
Finish with presence, by making it clear to everyone that you are indeed finishing. Use verbal clues with a clear instruction like: “We’ll wrap up in ten minutes and then I’ll invite questions.” This will swing every participant’s attention back to the present moment (as well as your own), alerting them to be prepared for all that your finish may entail (Q & A, assessment, feedback, special offers).

Even if you felt disconnected throughout your presentation, you can still finish with a good connection. Stay still when you acknowledge your group in completion, making genuine eye contact with one person at a time. Take your time and stay grounded and focussed, allowing participants to acknowledge you with whatever they offer, like a clap, cheer or nod, accept it graciously and finish your presentation fully present, without your mind rushing off to the next thing.

Listeners are usually most alert at the beginning and the end of a training talk, presentation or conversation, so make the most of it by connecting strongly. Connecting with presence takes less than ten seconds.  Once you know how, you can do it anytime, anywhere.

If you’d like to leap to the next level in public speaking confidence, experience the power of speaking with presence at the 4 Day Transformational Speaking Retreat for Women, October 27-30, 2011, Byron Bay.

© 2011, Geraldine Barkworth. Geraldine Barkworth is a holistic public speaking coach for women in business. She shows clients how to connect with any audience by being real, raw and authentic, rather than perfect, polished and “powerpointed.”
Contact Geraldine at www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au

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Fear Of Public Speaking… Begone!

Posted on September 23, 2011 by @dmin_goddess

Every year I run an annual Transformational Speaking Retreat for Women. And every year I get asked the same question by a prospective participant: “If I attend the Retreat, will I have to speak?”

Ummm; yes!

Fear Is Good
Fear is a survival mechanism designed to help you recognise danger and either flee, fight or freeze. Fear can feel very uncomfortable with a range of physical reactions including racing heart and pulse, shallow, rapid breathing, trembling knees, chaotic thoughts or conversely a blank mind, nausea, tingling and negative, catastrophic thoughts.

Recognising danger allows you to take action to protect yourself. This is good. However, the body does not distinguish between the fear of a late night mugger or an invitation to give a speech. Whatever we greatly fear, our body reacts to it with a fear response, like the ones listed above.

When we continue to fear a particular situation or event, eventually we come to fear the feeling of fear itself. Then we reinforce it by describing ourselves with words like: “no one could be more fearful of public speaking than me…” Thus you fulfill your own prophecy.

Most Common Fears
Here’s a list of some of the most common fears surveyed and not in any significant order: terrorism, spiders, snakes, heights, ghosts, enclosed spaces, people, needles, rejection, failure, death and public speaking.

Interestingly, while fear can be an instant reaction to a perceived threat (like a spider on your car seat or a terrorism alert at the airport), fear mostly relates to future events that haven’t even happened. Extreme fear generates anxiety and can lead to stress, avoidance or running away behaviours. Many of my clients are very skilled at avoiding public speaking. There comes a time however when it costs you more, personally and professionally, to avoid speaking in public, than the speaking itself.

Red Faced & Sweating
Recently I worked with a man who was fearful of looking vulnerable when he spoke in front of a group because his face became bright red. He avoided situations that would make him the centre of attention. A bit tricky as he was the manager of a small organisation. When we worked with a video camera, he realised his face was not noticeably red and nor did he look as nervous as he felt. It was his fearful belief that he looked silly and was less of a man. He discovered it just was not true. His fears began to drop away and he was able to focus on his message instead of himself.

Hang Out With Confident Speakers
A fear can develop from your own specific traumatic event or through observing the trauma of others. In other words, you can learn public speaking fear from others… and you can unlearn it as well.

The solution? Hang out with confident public speakers or people who are actively embracing their fear like at a public speaking course.

A tip I picked up recently was when you feel fearful (but not to the point of trauma), just stay still and stay with the fear. It will reside. Surviving the fear shows you that you can handle it and experiential proof is how your confidence rebuilds.

Finally, to return my prospective participant’s fearful plea: “If I attend the Retreat, will I have to speak?” Mmmm, methinks attending a public speaking course is the antidote to public speaking fear. Choose a course that is sensitive to the needs of fearful people and be prepared to “speak” even though you feel fearful. At some point, the fear will pass away when you learn to let it go, just like my client with the not-so-red face.

Gentle Public Speaking Course
And golly gosh… I still have 2 spots left in this year’s Transformational Speaking Retreat for women. As I specialise in helping people transform public speaking fear to become naturally relaxed and fully present speakers, you can be assured that the Retreat like all my courses is gentle and safe with a kpow! fun factor.

© 2011, Geraldine Barkworth. Geraldine Barkworth is a holistic public speaking coach for women in business. She shows clients how to connect with any audience by being real, raw and authentic, rather than perfect, polished and “powerpointed.”

Contact Geraldine at http://www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au/

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September Talk Tip

Posted on September 10, 2011 by @dmin_goddess

Whenever you have a conversation with anyone other than yourself, you are “public speaking”. “Public Speaking” doesn’t only mean giving formal speeches up on stage. It covers every kind of speaking and connecting situation you have with other human beings.

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